Mixed tapes

Ah, I long for the days of mixed tapes. If you gave a mixed tape to someone, then that person really meant something to you..be it a boy/girlfriend or a best friend. I now make people mixed Cd's, and that's cool, but they are so much easier to make. Man, think about it, the mixed tape was a labor of love, and that is why it meant so much to make and give one to someone. It took a long time to do...you had to put each tape into one deck on your stereo, and first find the song you wanted by ff or rewinding, and then you had to find the exact starting and stopping place for recording. If you let it go too far, you had to rewind the mix tape a little to record over the song you just let it play into, and that really pissed you off because you knew you were compromising just slightly the sound of the next song that would then go on the mix tape (i.e., whenever you recorded over something the sound was never quite as good). And heaven help you if you were recording a song off the radio to put on the mixed tape. You might wait 3 hours to catch a song on the radio, and the d.j. always talked over the beginning of the song, and that really burned your ass. Also, there were no convenient play lists to print off of itunes to place in the tape cover, so you had to hand write the name of every song and artist, and if you really had a wild hair, you tried to make a creative cover for the tape. Jesus, the person receiving it really knew they were special. Maybe , I don't long so much for those days, because that was a lot of work. I guess I long for the feeling I got when giving or receiving one of those tapes, because it was better than getting a Hallmark card. You really were caring enough to give the best...the best of your time, and creativity, I suppose.

Ready for Santa

The stockings have been hung by the chimney with care. We put up the tree and decorated it, and put out the rest of our holiday decorations. The living room looks festive and cozy. Ethan has declared it our finest Christmas tree ever (but we say that every year about each tree). I did this a little earlier than usual this year, because I love to enjoy the tree, and I wanted to do so for as long as possible. By the time Christmas day rolls around the tree will be dry as a bone, but oh, well.
Today is a snow day for the boys. Ohio County cancelled school. I, on the other hand, have to work this evening. Bummer dude. I just hope the roads out this way are cleared for when I have to leave.
Dave and I spent the past three evenings watching a Sci-fi production called Tin Man, which was a modern-day take on the Wizard of Oz. While we were entertained, and drawn in to it enough to keep watching, we are sure that there are several scenes that will be making The Soup this week. There were some really cheesy scenes, as well as some really awkward and poorly produced special effects. Also, I don't feel that the people at Sci-fi put too much effort into the name of the mini series. They called it the Tin Man, but really it's as if they said, "Well, there is a tin man in the original and a tin man in this one, and so that will be good enough." Neither movie's main focus is the character of the tin man. They knew they couldn't get away with passing it off as a complete remake of the original (that would have been blasphemous), and thus couldn't call it The Wizard of Oz. So, they might have just said Tin Man will do in the absence of something better.
I saw Beowulf with Kristen this past Sunday. They took some liberties with it, but I expected that. The 3D made for a cool viewing experience. I am looking forward to more 3D movies that we saw in the previews. Namely, Neil Gaiman's book Coraline is being made into a 3D movie, and also a remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth is coming out in 3D. I love going to the movies, and I don't get to go nearly as much as I'd like. Dave and I really want to see I Am Legend. I hope we get to go.

Happy Turkey Day

I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone (but judging from who leaves comments for me here at my blog, I think I am solely wishing Happy Thanksgiving to Matt, and that's OK because you are one of my favorite people). Anyway, it will be a day of feasting, but for me this year it will be a day of feasting in moderation. I will be having a slice of pie, for sure. However, to bring a balance to the day so that I don't fall off the South Beach wagon, I am going to forgo the mashed potatoes (opt for the yams instead 'cause believe it or not they are more kosher to the diet than regular potatoes), and I won't be having any rolls (maybe just one bite, but definitely not an entire roll). I need to remember to launch a preemptive strike against the temptation to over-indulge/over-eat. I need to take along to my parent's house some mixed nuts and a cheese stick or two. They satisfy me, and help me to not over-eat. At Thanksgivings of yore, my plan would be to skip breakfast so that I would be primed for the big meal. But after 4 1/2 months on this diet I know that when I eat a nice size breakfast I can avoid temptation throughout the rest of the day. There are many things to be thankful for on that famous day, but this year I can add that I am thankful for the 30 lbs. I have shed since the beginning of July.

Ethan's time machine

Ethan has a big, inquisitive, and philosophical brain. Sometimes he can't remember to close the door behind him, and other times he floors us with a thought he has. This morning he got out a pencil and a notebook, and he told me the notebook would henceforth contain his inventions. Invention number one is a time machine. He drew a crude sketch, and then wrote out very specific instructions as to whom the time machine would be handed over to -"to the army for emergency uses only". Maybe a little naive, but he knows he doesn't want any "bad guys" getting a hold of it. So, the time machine has a power source, a generator, some knobs, and a few other things, and I said to him, "Well, bud, you know you need a mechanism that actually makes time travel possible (I was thinking of the "flux capacitor" from "Back to the Future")."
I told him that he will need to study lots of math and physics in order to one day see his plans for a time machine come to fruition. He said to me, "I believe someone can make anything they want to if they want it enough, even if everyone else says it's impossible." I said, "I think you are right." The we talked a little more about the specifics of what would be needed to make his time machine work. He said that in order to go back in time in his machine you would have to take with you an object that was from the time period to which you wanted to travel. I said something like, "So, if you wanted to go back to 5 Christmas's ago you would need, for example, a Christmas ornament that we used on our tree that year." He said that was correct. I said that it wouldn't work if I tried to use something that had just been made because it wasn't around from that time, and he said I was right. We were on the same page. Then, he said he hadn't yet figured out how to travel to the future, because if you needed an object from the past to travel there, how do you acquire an object from the future to travel there? I was standing at the kitchen sink thinking about his statement when, after a pause, he answered his own question. This is the part where I was just very impressed by my 8 year old's mind..He said, "You would need to use something that would grow in the future, like a plant." I was taken aback at his logic. He had reasoned it out way before I did. I said, a wee bit excitedly, "Yeah, so if you had a sapling, and of course one day it would probably grown into a big tree, you could use part of it to place in the time machine to take you to a future point in time!" See, I probably know only a fraction more about time travel than Ethan does, and what I know has to do with some of the theoretical problems associated with it; ie, can you kill your own grandfather if you travel to the past (without undoing your own future); can you travel back further than the time when your time machine was created; and can you travel back in time before you were born, and what happens if you die in the past? Anyway, so here is my eight year old child figuring that you need an object to actually link you to a point of time in the past, and then figuring out that the reciprocal of that is needing an object from the future, and solving it in a matter of seconds with the possibility of using something organic like a plant that is sure to grow in the future. Never mind that a person is technically an object that can be from a certain point in the past or future, he knows that some objects have been around for a long time, and some objects will exist into the future for quite some time. See, he didn't just have an idea and see it as boundless, he saw possible problems and came up with solutions to those problems. I don't care how rudimentary his notions may be, I see a real genius in it. I could be biased, and I am sure I am, but I believe if anyone is going to grow up and finally solve the problem of space/time travel, and successfully build a time machine it is going to be Ethan. Perhaps it is my belief in his potential that is also a necessary component to making his time machine work.

My myspace page

I have spent my free-time over the past few days customizing and tweaking my new myspace page. It has been kind of fun. I have run into a few technical problems, but I worked them out. I think navigating the set-up here on blogspot was easier, but it's no biggie. I am interested to see who I may reconnect with by having a page on there. Maybe no one will find me, maybe it will take a while or maybe I'll hear from someone quickly. Who knows? Anyway, I originally put my name in as "Becky McFadden-Cantrell", but I soon realized that you can't do a search and find me if you use just my first and maiden name. It appears it would have to be the entire "Becky McFadden-Cantrell". So, since anyone who knows me now knows my married name and my maiden name, I am switching to just Becky McFadden because old acquaintances will only know to search for me under Becky McFadden.
Not too much new to report. I had a store meeting at 7:00 am this morning, which required me to get up at 5:00 am in order to look good and be there on time. After that I met Dave and the boys at Ethan's hockey practice and then the 4 of us went to Bob Evans for breakfast. Well, that was a lapse in judgement on my and Dave's part 'cause Owen was ill mannered most of the time. I sometimes feel as if he is never going to mature.
Well, I have a few more things to do on myspace and then I am going to call it a day. Btw, I am going to keep my blog on here, and not myspace. I like what I've got here.

Being sick and life's goals

Being sick is no fun. I haven't had a sinus infection in a couple of years, and now I have one that is showing no mercy. It teased me with a headache for a couple of weeks until finally it stopped dicking around and kicked in last Wednesday. Now it is in my chest as well, and I feel like a big steaming pile of crap. Now, the burning question is whether or not to go to work tonight. I do not like calling off, and I am very reluctant to do so with my new job. I better wait and see how well the Advil Cold and Sinus works for me, and then decide.
Christmas keeps getting closer and closer, and I am feeling the slight panic of needing to have all of the cash necessary to purchase everything. Yet another reason not to call off of work tonight. I have at least already made a dent in the Christmas shopping.
I talked to Matt last night, and he said something that I had been thinking of earlier in the day. He remarked that he doesn't have enough time to do all of the things he would like to do as well as all of the tasks that he is required to do. Just that very afternoon, while cleaning the ashes out of the fireplace, I was thinking about how short life is and of all the things I would still like to learn how to do/experience/accomplish. Here are some of them (if I think of any more in the future I may put them in a post):
1) Learn to play the guitar (or piano)
2) Take a pottery class
3) Finish the really big cross-stitch project I started months ago
4) Learn Spanish with Owen (he seems to have an ear for Spanish, and I figure I should learn it with him so he can have someone with whom he can converse)
5) Try Pilates (not sure if I spelled that correctly)
6) Volunteer at a literacy program (I want to remember this so that when Owen goes off to Kindergarten I can see if I can make it happen)
7) Travel (this would require vast sums of money, and since one never knows what life has in store for one, it is not impossible that I could one day find myself flush with cash, and therefor have the means to travel)
8) Write something really great and be published (hence the money and the opportunity that would make number 7 possible).
9) Finish my Bachelor's degree
10) Discover my Personal Legend and fulfill it. If you haven't read the book The Alchemist you may not know what this means.
Anyway, my head is really foggy right now, and I should really leave off here. Let me know what your ambitions are.

Just what's new

It has been quite a while since my last post (Matt tried to assure me that I was not the only one reading this blog, but the gig is up and I really think that I am the only one to look at it by now-and so I don't feel bad about how long it has been since I wrote something). We have been so busy. Dave and I have been like two ships passing in the night. He has been working overtime, and I have been working some late nights. But tomorrow we are both off and the four of us can spend some time together.
Work is awesome. I am really fortunate to have a job that I like going to. Mom and I cleaned-up today doing some Christmas shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond. They are giving the associates an extra discount this week that can even be used for a family member if they accompany the associate to the store. We saved a ton.
Got two new Cd's recently that I feel are worth commenting on. The Amy Winehouse "Back to Black" is just so cool. Her voice...that big voice coming out of that gin soaked tiny body is just so amazing. Also, a really beautiful album is the A Fine Frenzy "One Cell in the Sea". I am listening to this one a lot. Favorite tracks are "Almost Lover" and "The Minnow and the Trout". I almost just got some selections from the iTunes store, but I instead figured the entire Cd's were going to be worth the purchase, and I was right.
Tori Amos was in concert this passed Tuesday in Pittsburgh, and I didn't find out until it was too late to try and go. I missed seeing her again. Perhaps someday.
51 days till Christmas.
That's all I can think of right now. I am very tired because I closed the store last night and then had to be up at 6:00 am in order to get Ethan ready and off to Hockey. We will set the clocks back tonight, and so I'll gain an hour of sleep. I'll write more when I am struck with the notion.
Oh before I forget...the Ye Old Alpha has Greek Wings made with feta cheese and they are really tastey.

Talking Points

OK, so here are a few thoughts on some totally unconnected topics, but things that I wish to comment on.
1) I have lost almost 25 lbs. total (not done yet, though). One perk to this that I am really excited about...my thighs no longer rub together when I walk.

2) I just watched the movie Transformers the other night, and it is one bad ass movie. Anyone who grew up in the '80's should appreciate it. And if you didn't grow up then, you should appreciate it for the effects. They look seamless. It rocks.

3) I really like my job, and recognize that I am fortunate for having a job about which I can say that.

4) Christmas is only 66 days away.

5) I can't believe how warm it is for the middle of October.

6) I don't know how much longer I can stand the wait for Season 4 of Lost.

Goodbye Judy

She was one of the kindest people I've ever known. She had a laugh that really filled up a room. She smiled with her eyes as well as with her mouth. Talented seamstress, and dedicated teacher. When I approached her hospital bed I was so glad that I had come because I knew just from my intuition that it was going to be a goodbye. As she lay there, her own body betraying her more and more each day, she had the grace to declare that I "looked healthy as a horse". She was funny right up until the end, and though her body was failing her, her spirit never did. She was herself. That is what is so hard-reconciling the loss of someone who was always so full of life. Judy said farewell to the three of us, and she cried, and the three of us cried because we all knew the score. I watched her girls hold onto one another in their grief and in their sadness, and I cried all the more because I realized they were losing their mom. She was too young to go; she lost her battle to that hideous disease for which a cure still eludes us. I am saving those pink yogurt lids now, and I will send them in to try to make some kind of difference in the battle on cancer. Wife, mother, grandmother, friend, teacher. She said she wasn't able to draw enough breath or push it out with enough force to do something she loved so much-sing. She is singing now for sure. Judy, you will be missed by so many.

New Job

It has been a while since my last post, but since I believe I am the only person to look at my blog, then it is no big deal. I have been hired within the last week to a newly arrived (to this area) store. It is a popular domestics retailer, and I won't name them, but their initials are Bed Bath & Beyond. The first time I walked into the store two Saturdays ago was the first time I ever set foot in a BB&B. Suffice it to say that it is a freakin' awesome store. I have spent my days in there stocking shelves and helping to get the store ready. It has been very hard work, but I have enjoyed it immensely. All of the managers that were brought in from other places to help set us up are all great people, and I enjoyed meeting and working with them all. And the two women who are staying here permanently to run the store are very nice, too. So far it has been a good experience. The store actually opens tomorrow (Oct. 2), but I don't have my first shift until Thursday evening. I have only had a little bit of register training, and so I am a bit nervous. Hopefully, things will go smoothly.
The interesting thing about my experience is the fact that I spent so much time at the top of a very tall ladder. I have always been afraid of heights (I get vertigo on a 4 foot step ladder), but there were many times within the past week that I was required to ascend to the top of a double sided 10 foot ladder, straddle the top of it, and stock merchandise on the top-most shelf. I just told myself that if I wanted to work at this store I needed to get a grip and adapt. So I did. It was scary at first, but after so many times it wasn't so bad. I am not entirely comfortable, but I can do it without getting dizzy or really afraid. I guess the best word to describe what I feel when I am up there is "cautious". Perhaps a little more than some, and I am OK with that. The first time I did it I almost cried when I got back down-partly with relief for being back on the ground and still alive, but partly because I felt a real sense of overcoming something that has always been difficult for me. To someone not afraid of heights this will all sound so silly, but to anyone who has a fear of heights, it will make sense.
The merchandise is so nice. I think people in this area are going to go nuts over the place. We are growing up, this area, and it is about time. BB&B has a lot of things, and I am already getting ideas for Christmas gifts to give to friends and family. Not to mention there are so many things that I will be purchasing for myself. 800 thread count sheets...employee discount--a match made in Heaven!

One Family Making a Difference this Holiday Season

The date on my wall calendar reads September 21 (the thermometer, 82 degrees), and it still seems as if we have plenty of time until the holiday season unfolds. Yet, as we all know, November and December have a way of abruptly arriving. Many of us are already making some preliminary plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah. We may even be making gift purchases here and there for our friends and family. In my family (we number a good many) we have a tradition of drawing names for a family gift exchange. This is something fun, and we keep the names we draw a secret (or at least we are supposed to). We have already drawn our names, and everyone is making his/her wish list that gets posted on-line. It occurred to me a couple of days ago that maybe we needed to add a new concept to our family holiday tradition. So, I had an idea.
I composed an email, and sent it off to each household in my family that gathers together every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The idea works like this: Each household (not each member of the household) donates only $5.00 to a local charity as determined by an entire family vote. In our case, we have 8 households, and so the math is easy...8 households donating $5.00 each makes a total donation of $40.00 to a local charity. Not too shabby for one group. I came up with 3 different, but of course, all deserving charities, and each household was asked to submit one vote for their charity of choice. If a tie had occurred, I would have used the tried and true method of flipping a coin to break the tie.
I told everyone that I will collect the money on or before November 1st, so that the charity we decided on will be able to have our donation by Thanksgiving Day. I believe Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to make a donation for a couple of reasons. The closer we get to Christmas, the tighter money gets, and people usually have a little more in early November. However, the most important reason for choosing Thanksgiving, is the one that should be obvious: it is a way to do something that resonates with the true meaning of the holiday.
When my family gathers together on Thanksgiving day, we always make a point during Grace to say that we are thankful for all we have, and especially for each other. Our family donation may not amount to hundreds of dollars, but it is something we can do to benefit a local charity, no matter how small the benefit. I believe most people are generous and kind, and sometimes we (present company included) just need a little nudge to help us remember to look around at those who are less fortunate.
The response from my family has been great. Everyone is very excited by the idea. I think it may even be something we will try to do a couple of times a year- with the charity that came in second place in the voting getting an Easter time donation. $5.00 is an easy amount to come up with. I believe that my husband and I probably have that much sitting in our loose change jar. I was not sure at first how to handle the situation if one household wanted to donate more than $5.00 (which of course happened). My only concern was that another household might feel obligated to up their donation, but I didn't put any restrictions on the amount. This is for a charity after all, and the greater the donation the better. So I just decided to keep any donations larger than the $5.00 amount confidential. It is not for me to decide that a donation should be kept at a minimum. If someone has had placed in his/her heart the desire to contribute more than that is an extra blessing.
I have also asked the members of my family to spread this idea around to their friends and co-workers, because if even just 10 families in this area were to do something like this it could really have an impact on our local charities. And just imagine, if in cities all across the country, families were to participate in a collection such as the one my family has now adopted. The potential difference would be amazing. Perhaps you don't gather with too many family members; maybe you have a core of friends that you get together with who could participate in a group donation. Do I sound crazy with idealism? Good, I am happy to be excited over something like this. This is an opportunity for families as a whole to make a difference, and I think it is appealing because giving as a group to a local charity feels very personal. Don't forget, though, that there are plenty of nationwide organizations who are deserving, and if your family would prefer to donate to one of them that is a great idea, too. I am partial to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. The goal here is just to give.
Go and roll up those nickels, dimes, and quarters. Or, skip the extra trip to the coffee shop, and put aside that $5.00 for your donation. Get your family involved. It is an easy thing to do. Pass the idea around! Make a difference!

My Disappearing Act

The morning I called my sister-in-law with questions about the South Beach Diet was the morning I had hit rock bottom with my weight. How ironic that I am using the phrase "rock bottom", implying an all-time low, when in truth my weight had hit an all-time high. Other than the times in my life when I have been pregnant, I had never weighed more. I remember crying even as I tried to speak through the phone, because I was overcome with emotion for so many reasons. I was depressed in nearly every way (and up until that phone call, trying to hide it), and I was embarrassed to be reaching out for help for something that was making me feel so vulnerable. I had finally admitted the truth to myself that I was overweight, and not just that, but also that I didn't feel well. The weight was impacting my health. I chronically felt bad. My legs ached almost all the time. They felt heavy and tired. I became winded going up the basement steps. I felt slow and awkward when I moved. I sure as hell no longer felt sexy or even attractive. And I wondered if I felt this way about myself, what did others see when they looked at me? Now, let me make this statement now for anyone reading this who may be a bigger person, and feel fine about themselves...if you are that person, and you feel good about who you are inside and out, good for you. I was a bigger person who did not feel that way, I was the complete opposite. This blog entry is not to make you feel bad about yourself in any way, it is a recording of the way I felt, and how I experienced a subsequent transformation.
I was eating pretty much out of control. That is the God's honest truth. I can remember some nights having a full dinner, and then the husband and I would sit down to watch a movie and I would make popcorn and many times follow up that with ice cream. This is painful to even admit because it reveals what an absolute pig I was making of myself. My husband can indulge sometimes because he is very active/athletic. When I realized that I weighed more than my husband, I felt that I had humiliated myself. If I were as tall as he is or taller it might not have been such a big deal that our weights were the same or even close, but I am a good 6 inches shorter than he is, and so at 5 feet 2 inches, it wasn't pretty. It doesn't take much weight on me to look dramatic. The more I ate, the bigger I became, the bigger I became the more I disappeared. Physically there was more of me to see, but my personality and who I am were disappearing into my size. I couldn't recognize myself any longer. I was not a happy person. I felt like my life was not my own. I felt that I no longer had control of my eating. Yet, who else was controlling what I put into my body? It was all me. I am also an emotional eater. I recently heard a nutritionist describe this type of eating as the "chew and stew". That's me.
So, I picked up the phone and called my sister-in-law who I knew had done the South Beach diet before and had success with it. I wanted to look better, but this time I knew I was doing it for my health as well. This made it a different kind of animal for me. In the past, when I have dieted it has been with the goal of looking better, but this time my health was taking a turn for the worst and it was frightening. I had fertility issues with our attempt at a second child, and based on that I was certain I had a condition called insulin resistance which is a pre-diabetic condition. Also, I have a family history of diabetes. I have always been proportioned whether thin or heavy, but within the past couple of years I had noticed my waist was expanding and losing definition. That is an outward sigh of insulin resistance-especially in regard towards women. I am not an expert, but this is what this type of body meant for me; certainly not all women who are built this way are insulin resistant, but it can be an indicator.
I had all sorts of preconceived notions about the South Beach Diet. Mainly, I had been a skeptic, in the past declaring that there was no way that diet could ever work for me because it just wasn't realistic that I would ever go the rest of my life without eating bread or potatoes. Well, I made those statements out of ignorance, not having an understanding of how the diet functions or what foods, once phase one was finished, I could add back into my life. My sister-in-law that Saturday morning was patient and supportive while I cried and reached out for help. She answered my questions, dispelled the myths and preconceived notions I had about South Beach, and offered ideas and recipes that would help me. She told me that once I began the diet in earnest and saw the results that my determination would be cemented. She was right.
I got a copy of the South Beach book, and read it. Part of my 2 year degree required a year of Anatomy and Physiology with a lab. I have a basic, but good idea of the subject, and so when I read the South Beach book, I really understood the metabolic concepts and physiology behind the diet. It seemed as if, for the first time in my life, I was being shown the proper way to eat. Reading the book I felt, and still do, that there-to-fore I had been eating incorrectly my entire life-especially every time I had attempted to lose weight. It use to be such an effort, and a constant struggle, and it occupied so much of my time. Now, I just eat according to the rules. I don't think about it too much. I don't have to count calories or fat, because if I am eating the right way, everything falls into place. Now, don't get me wrong, there are days when I sometimes say, "Why can't I just be like everyone else and eat what I want?" But as my mom pointed out, there are very few people who can eat like that and not have to follow a very strict exercise regimen. To that I guess I can add two more categories of people: those who are metabolically blessed, and those who just don't care about what eating in such a manner will make them look and feel like. That is important right there, what I just said, what some foods make one feel like. All those simple sugars and simple carbs made me so tired and sluggish and downright hungry all the time. If I do decide to treat (I don't say cheat because it simply isn't a nice word) myself maybe once a week to something sweet, the real deal, my body can process the food without any weight gain because I haven't been constantly overloading it with simply sugars and simple carbs. The South Beach Diet book claims that the diet will reset one's metabolism after time spent on the diet, and I am proof of that claim.
Recently I had a reason to look at my drivers license photo the other day. It was taken before I began the diet; complete with a bold faced lie about what my weight had been at the time it was taken. Once again, I was just embarrassed, and could not own up to what I really weighed. Anyway, seeing my face in the picture was a shock. I think every single pound I have shed must have been crammed into my face. It was so...BIG. If I ever need a reinforcement to stay the course I can simply whip out my drivers license. Also, I am certain, due to the way my body, and without going into too much detail, my body's natural cycles (wink, wink, you know, the womanly thing) are behaving that the insulin resistance has been resolved. I just feel so much better.
I am so grateful to my sister-in-law for all her help, advice, and pep-talks in the beginning. She was there to commiserate with me, and it was so helpful. I don't know if I have properly thanked her. If she reads this I hope she can hear my gratitude. Also, my mom has been always the rock for me. She is my biggest fan, I think. My husband has been there for me as well, complimenting me when he notices something looks nice. But by default he has had to eat a somewhat South Beach Diet and I know that has been difficult at times. I try to make sure he and the kids don't miss out on what they enjoy, because they didn't decide to follow the diet. Truly, though, dinners are much healthier for everyone. I am not done losing weight, but it doesn't seem like such a giant mountain to climb because I know that this is the way I want to eat the rest of my life, and so I will lose the weight in time.
So, it may make sense to say that "my disappearing act" is about the weight that is disappearing, but a closer look reveals the truth: Losing the weight is an act of appearance. The more weight I lose, the more of myself I can see again.

A word about the title of this blog, and how I did ok with setting it up.

Well, if anyone on this planet read my first blog (and truly in all likelihood only my brother and my cousin read it) then you will know that I had some anxiety and doubts about how I would do setting it up. So far, I am doing fine. I even managed to post a picture of myself. The image was squished a bit to make it fit, and I am wondering if I shorten the text that appears under it, will the image elongate some? If anybody out there has an answer to that, then please let me know. I am certain there is a ton I don't know/haven't figured out yet about customizing this site and blogging, but I suppose I'll learn in time.
Now, a little bit on why I chose "The Order of Operations" as the title for this blog...Anyone who is a math person will recognize that my title is what is used in Algebra to evaluate expressions and such (Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally helps us to remember Parenthesis first, then exponents, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction). I did poorly in math all through elementary school right up until high school. When I first set off to college, I avoided math all together. Long story short, I took many, many years off from college before returning to eventually at least get my 2 year degree (when I'll ever be able to get my bachelor's remains to be seen). Before returning to obtain my Associate of Science I braced myself for the fact that I would have to take lots of math. I told myself there was nothing to be afraid of and the only person that would ever hold me back would only be myself. I assured myself that I could do the math this time around. I began at the most rudimentary of levels (in fact the class didn't even count as a credit), because I told myself if I was going to really learn math this time I had to start at the beginning. So, it was very humbling to initially be doing the same things that 5th graders were doing; who am I kidding, 2nd graders. But it paid off. I sailed through that (it was self-paced). I went on to a high school equivalent algebra class (that once again didn't even count as a credit, but that I needed all the same). I got an A. Then, the real challenge, College Algebra. I got an A in that, too! Then, Statistics, that rogue math course that it is...I got an A, also. Then college Pre-Calc. And I got another A. By-the-time I completed the college algebra course I had bought myself a t-shirt that declared for all the world to see that I am a "Math Geek". I am proud to wear it. Pre-Calc. is where I left off and some day I hope I can continue on. I don't think that my IQ grew by leaps and bounds, and really I am no Einstein (I have my fair share of dumb-ass moments). What I think happened for me is that my brain just worked differently by the time I went back to school. I also had done a tremendous amount of growing-up. I used real life experiences to help myself reason through or figure out some things. Here is the kicker, I always got nervous before each test/exam. One thing I could always do though, was remember the order of operations. They never failed me back in the beginning of Algebra, nor did they fail me in Pre-Calc. They are specific, and they offer instruction. Isn't that a handy tool for life? We all possess our own set of "Order of Operations". We should remember them when we are being faced with a challenge or when we are being tested. They are the things that tell us who we are, what we believe in, and they can help us to find our intuition. If something doesn't sit well with you, ask yourself some of the fundamental questions that you know will extract from within the answers you require. Use your "order of operations." So, in a sense, this blog will give me a medium to express myself, my thoughts, tastes, and passions. It may be that here, you can share in my order of operations.

getting my blogger legs

OK, so instead of getting my "sea legs" I guess I am trying to get my blogger legs. I have just about no idea what I am doing. I created this because I am considering entering the Lost Fantasy League on DarkUFO, and a blog was required. Now, however, I feel as if I am in-over-my-head. I mean I am definitley in unknown territory. So, what do I do? How do I customize my blog? I don't even know how this will look when I am done. Will anyone be reading this? If so, any tips anyone can offer will be helpful. I am going to take the plunge and post this and see what happens. Then it will probably be a series of trials and errors to figure out what I am doing? Or is this something easy, and am I making it way too difficult?